An introduction of sorts...

This is the first time I've tried to put together a blog, and it's just basically gonna be a thing to talk about shit that matters to me which is mostly: records, punk music, dancing, feminism and being WAY to fucken shy. I'm hoping it might be a good way to communicate with other people, since I have trouble doing that in person. The first post 'll be a little bit about me, after that imma gonna stick to shit people might want to read :P


I'm 27. I'm married, I love hardcore music and am just starting to perform my own material (been writing and recording it for three years). I've been dancing professionally for about 5 years and I also have a 'regular' job in the non-profit sector.

being WAY to fucken shy

My life is pretty good, but my REALLY HUGE problem is my shyness/utter lack of confidence. I'm a very loyal person, I am a good listener, I've got a really big heart and will litterally wear myself out to help other people. Unfortunately, the only one who really knows that, who really knows me, is my husband.

Usually, people think it's weird that I can perform in front of an audience but have trouble speaking to people one on one, and I guess it kinda is. I can't explain why...I mean, I do get NERVOUS before I scream or dance in front of an audience...but I have out-and-out anxiety attacks when I have to meet people/go someplace where I won't know anybody/talk to somebody I don't know etc.

I feel like I can't breathe, I get dizzy and I blush really red, I stammer, repeat myself- which makes it worse...All I want to do is run away- the term 'fight or flight' is appropriate, I am DEFINITELY a Flight person...which is what I normally end up doing. As a result, I can't make real friends. I'm too busy making a hasty retreat.

Now, don't get me wrong- I'm not looking for sympathy here, there are MUCH MUCH MUCH worse things in the world than being shy...but it's something I'd REALLY like to change about myself...and it's something that, I feel, has prevented me from living my life the way I'd like to live .

Okay, Okay, so I've wasted all that space whining about my PERSONAL problems ('aint that attractive?) so now I'll move into something more interesting...